Sexy selfies and self-esteem
When I take a sexy selfie for someone, I have unique control over the image of myself that I’m sending them. What are my best features? What’s the most flattering light? How vulnerable do I want to be? By taking pictures that I like, I’m actively affirming my body is worth admiring. I’ve claimed a new appreciation for my appearance.
This can backfire. I’ve sent pictures in hopes of stirring someone’s excitement for me. I’ve sent pictures to those who haven’t proved yet that they respect me. I’ve learned two truths:
My image is a gift I can give someone, because my face and my body can bring the right people pleasure.
My image does not contain the whole of me and my worth.
Taking sexy selfies changed how I saw myself. For instance, I learned how drastically different I can look depending on the angle. I questioned what I liked and didn’t like about my body in a way that positively affirmed for me that my tastes are a choice. Why don’t I like the image that shows my thighs rubbing? What’s wrong with my thighs rubbing?
When I send images to others that are not my favorites, and they still enjoy them, I’ve learned to value other’s favorable opinions in order to shift my stagnant self-criticism.
Another thing I learned, is that to those who really care about me, my body doesn’t get old! A lover asked me for a picture once time, and I asked him what he was looking for. Breasts, breasts, more breasts. He never got tired of seeing my breasts.
If you’ve never sent a sexy selfie to someone else, this is my advice:
Make sure you trust the receiver of the image first.
Don’t ever feel pressured into sending something you’re not comfortable with. If a person is being pushy, consider this a red flag. If someone makes an image public without your consent, know your rights. The Cyber Civil Rights Initiative offers resources for victims of revenge porn.
Love your own image first
Take a picture that you love. Set an intention to enjoying your image regardless of what they say or do not say. This is sometimes easier said than done, but I think that setting the intention is a practice that adds up over time. Another way of thinking about this is to consider the image as a gift instead of a request for validation.
Consider taking pictures just for you! Use sexy selfies as a way of practicing body positivity.
Know what you’re looking for in return
Taking selfies in a store’s dressing room is a fun way of inviting your lover to be a part of the experience.
If you’re looking for an even exchange: pic for pic, make sure to say that ahead of time. Don’t expect someone to be as comfortable exchanging photos as you might be. I’ve also had to learn that silence on the other end isn’t necessarily a bad thing. People get busy, or want to think about what to say, or get distracted before they respond.
Be creative
I once played a game where I sent a lover close-ups of various parts of my body and had them guess what it was. It felt sexy, playful, and we both enjoyed the exchange.
Last, but not least, enjoy yourself!
